Weightlifting Empowers Me

I used to be a home girl. A typical Asian girl, that was raised that girl should be feminine, respectful, kind, and considerate to other people. I had to do chores without complaint, while my brother did not lift a finger.

Also, a girl who accepted the fate of being a second-class citizen. I was a left-over girl, whereas my brother had everything he requested, and I only received the leftovers. My brother was a golden child, he was the priority. All of his requests were granted.

I remember my parents bought him a brand-new computer, in comparison I had to use my own pocket money to buy the stereo radio because my dad refused to buy it for me. WOW

From a young, I had to obey and listen to everyone including my brother. He was so bossy and ordered me to do everything. If I did not comply, then came his explosive wrath. Consequently, I grew timid.

Then I was married to someone who was addicted to bodybuilder. He had muscles on his legs and arms, practically muscles to all of his body. He also was good at martial arts, but I cannot remember what kind of martial arts. The bottom line was, he was good at fighting.

When we went out together, I noticed that some girls would stare and admire his body. He was a typical alpha man for his external appearance. A couple of occasions few ladies were not embarrassed to touch his muscle arms and praised him, in front of me. Unbelievable.

Then he grew to become shallower and more insecure inside. After giving birth, I became plump. To be precise, I was short and overweight. Raising a toddler most all by myself and having to work very long hours, I ate like an elephant to overcome work demands and stress.

As time passed by, my ex-husband was still attractive to young girls, in contrast to me, I was becoming more overweight. When my career progressed, he became so jealous of my achievements. Thanks to his insecurity, then I received tonnes of insults for being overweight and I was looked at disgustedly by him.

In contrast, as a typical rational person with an engineering background, I was so overconfident that quality was highly valued. I believed that inner qualities would prevail over outward appearance. I was wrong.

The Covid pandemic was practically ruining my marriage. We were in lockdown for 263 days. We live in the city with the highest lockdown days in the world, Melbourne Australia.

During lockdown, my ex-husband could observe my working life. Then his jealousy went up to the roof. His jealousy magnitude was multiplied by three times.

First, when he noticed, I was in high demand. I received constant calls from the cadets, graduates, and junior staff that required guidance. He also realised; my son was amazed at the construction software that could display three-dimensional drawings.

My son never saw that someone must work using three monitor screens. In his mind, his mum’s job was so cool. Finally, I received calls from many blokes. This made him so jealous. I mean, I worked in the construction industry, the male-dominated industry. What did he expect?

So practically during the pandemic, we lived in a war zone. He initiated a fight with me. He also yelled at me while I had a conversation with my colleagues. Things were becoming worse because of working overtime. As if I had a choice or I was thrilled to work overtime.

Then came the incident, where violence was involved. Finally, he could not take it anymore, and so did I. I had enough to receive blame continuously, and it seemed like never-ending.

From arguments, it was escalated to violence. With his mighty strong body build, he managed to toss my body like a slice of bread in a toaster. By that time, I was skinny to the bones.

Two years before the pandemic, I lost 18 kilograms. It started when my dad was diagnosed with cancer and eventually, I lost my dad. The grief and depression made me lose all appetite, so I lost weight without any exercise.

That day changed my life. There was a quote “We only change when we hurt enough.” It was me. I decided to change the direction of my life trajectory. I refused to be treated like a second-class citizen. I would not trade peace at the expense of my mental health. The highest priority in my life is taking care of my mental health.

When the lockdown was over, I looked for a rental property and moved out from home. Eventually, we got divorced. I also vowed that nobody would ever hurt me anymore. Then I joined a self-defence class.

The classes that I attended were meant for professional trainers or professional security guards. I was the only one who had no basic training before. I was so embarrassed to enter the wrong class, but all of them were very kind and helpful in showing me the right moves. I was so surprised by their kind treatment.

Lessons that I learned from a self-defence class team are as follows:

• Strong people respect other people.
• Strong people teach other people to be strong.
• Strong people do not intimidate or undermine other people.
• Strong people do not start a provocation.
• Strong people do not react to provocation but defend themselves.
• Strong people voice their views.

Since then, I have been obsessed with building my muscles, particularly on my shoulders, arms, and thighs. Eventually, I joined the body pump/ weightlifting class for females to build up muscles. All the trainers have been very helpful to me in correcting my posture.

I have been attending the body pump class regularly. When I was not stressed, I would attend every day and I tried to do my best to attend the lessons three times a week when the demon entered my mind.

Over a year, I build muscles around my shoulders, arms, and thighs. Also, my self-confidence gradually increases. I feel strong and empowered, particularly when I could tackle a male in a self-defence class. I don’t feel weak anymore, and I’m not timid anymore.

Now, I vow that I will empower women. We are kind but please do not take advantage of our kindness. I stand on my feet, and I will treat people the way that they deserve it.

Lessons that I learned by being empowered are as follows:

• Empowered women build each other up.
• Empowered women do not show off their muscles but are kind and helpful to one another.
• Empowered women feel secure.
• Empowered women do not envy others
• Empowered women do not compare to others, they focus on their improvement and target.

Thank you for reading this blog and I hope you enjoy it. I would love to receive feedback (both positive and negative) from you. Thank You

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