Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution

Learn Effective Communication to Strengthen Relationship

4 min readMar 27, 2024

I attended the workshop run by the Psychiatrist and Psychologist regarding Mental Health. One of the topics was discussing Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution.

In every relationship, there must be a conflict because nobody is perfect. We also have different perspectives and agendas. Unfortunately, conflict is inevitable in any relationship. Conflict can either strengthen or weaken the relationship.

The Psychologist suggested ‘effective communication’ shall be applied to resolve a conflict. So, what is ‘effective communication?’

1. Effective Listening

The most important skill for effective communication is not the talking itself, but ‘effective listening.” Effective listening is listening to understand and listening with empathy.

Most of us, tend to listen to respond, which can escalate the conflict further. Listening with empathy is to acknowledge someone’s else emotions.

There should be no passing judgment in this process. For example, when someone said, “You hurt me.” when she addressed the conflict, please do not reply with “I’m not, it is an accusation.” In this process, it is not addressing your emotions, but other’s emotions.

Let’s use this analogy, presumably, you cannot tolerate chili, but your partner is a fanatic of chili. One day she cooked and put a little bit of chilli. In her view, it was extremely mild, and it felt like nothing but to add a little bit of flavour only.

However, in your situation, your tongue seemed burning, your cheeks turned like ripe tomatoes and your throat felt like a fire that needed a fire extinguisher immediately. You could not breathe, swallowed and suffocated.

Because she can see your reaction to chili, in this context there is no denial of your reaction. Unfortunately, this is not the case with emotion. Nobody cannot physically see, what hurt looks like.

When someone said, “You hurt me.” Please acknowledge it by paraphrasing,” In what way, do you think I hurt you.” This will make the communication further to identify the impact of the problem.

2. Expressing Feelings / Thoughts

The next step will be expressing feelings or thoughts. For example, she said,” You abandoned me lately.” Also, in the process of expressing feelings, do not pass judgment. This is how she feels, she is entitled to have her feelings/thoughts. Do not try to invalidate her feelings!

In this process, you could also express your feelings/thoughts without the intention of invalidating her feelings. Present your feelings with constructive feedback, a nice tone, and most importantly be specific and factual.

Instead of saying,” You are ridiculous, I never abandoned you.” Present your thoughts as another alternative. Just said,” I’m sorry you feel that way, but I accompanied you last Friday.”

You put the factual information and be specific,” last Friday.” Maybe you were extremely busy from Saturday to Thursday, but at least last Friday you spent time together with her.

Regardless, she felt it was not enough time spent together, but you presented your view. With a nice tone, factual, and specificity, the communication goes to the next level — resolving conflict.

3. Be Curious

Now, we know that both parties have different perspectives on how many days should be spent to reach quality time. In this situation, never assume that what you think is right based on your situation.

This is not an issue of right or wrong. Being right does not make the relationship strengthen.

Ask with curiosity and an open mind,” Would you think spending one day a week should be fine at this moment, I’m currently very busy with a tight project?”

Again, present the factual information and be specific, that you are having a tight schedule. So, the resolution could be achieved by mutual understanding.

4. Body Language or Communication Behavioural

When addressing conflict, please be mindful of body language or communication behaviour. This is the only stage that can be judged if you disagree.

For example, when she addressed the conflict,” You hurt me,” in a high tone or banging the table. You only can judge the behaviour, that it is not acceptable to address the issue by banging the table and in a high tone. The negative behaviour should be stopped. Otherwise, it will inhibit a healthy discussion for achieving a resolution.